It's been a rough year.
12-28-05 : Christmas and New Year poems
I invite you to read some poems I consider "holiday" poems. I use the term in its broad sense. I am not a religious person and many aspects of the Christmas season are disgusting.
I am famous among my few friends at hating commercialism and malls. But, irrational or not, I actually enjoy going to the big bad mall this time of year. I have to convince my wife to spend a few evenings there. Accompanied by our seven year old. It is pretty irrational. But having Gavin along makes it even better for me.
Maybe it's childish but I like to see people out and about, even if the world's screwed up. I like all the lights and colors in the stores. I like having a drink before dinner at Pizzeria Uno. We even buy a few things.
Maybe going to the mall this nutty time of year - something smart people don’t do - is just an unconscious excuse for getting out of the house. Working full time, with a seven year old, my wife and I really don’t get out much. Worse things can happen.
This is a very emotional time of year for me. More emotional every year, actually. Of course I think of my parents, six and seven years gone now. I think of family traditions, and I do my best to keep a couple alive. I am not very good at it. My life has taken me far from the large extended family I grew up with in California 50 years ago. My sister and I have drifted apart, I am ashamed to say. I wrote the following poem on these themes, between Christmas and New Year’s.
NOTE LEFT WITH A PLATE OF COOKIES
JE
New Year’s Eve. The world is hurting.
How fortunate to have friends coming over New Year’s Eve day, friends going back 30 years. Life is very thin without friends.
Emmett and Gavin, I made these cookies for you. Out of leftover pie dough like my mother made for me. I don’t know if my grandmother made them for my mother. I’m not so sure she was all that warm to my mother as a child. It was hard to get close to my grandmother. I think she loved the family as a group - she prided herself on her huge holiday feasts - but perhaps not so much as individuals. She had little patience. Which you can take, even as a child, when you’re only around her a few times a year. Besides, she gave each of us cousins a $10 bill for Christmas. I always wondered if I got the same as everyone else. She could be pretty snippy. I was a respectful but creative child.
I believe in evolving what we inherit, so unlike my mother I make my pie cookies in shapes:
Emmett, the beautiful brook trout.
Gavin, the dove of peace.
Annie, the dragonfly on our canoe paddle. I am a lucky man.
The pie-shaped piece is in honor of both your grandmothers’ pie-making skills - no frozen prepared crusts from Wegmans. Real pie, homemade pie, hot out of the oven. (But best of all the next morning with a cup of coffee.)
I’ve come to the conclusion that it doesn’t get much better than sitting in the kitchen eating pie with family or friends at get-togethers for some reason or another. The house filled with the smells of food and coffee. Teasing and laughter. The joking themes don’t change much from year to year: someone seemingly graceful is actually clumsy and injury-prone; someone is perenially spaced out and gets lost a lot; someone’s short; someone’s a bad cook; someone’s cheap; someone’s an atrociously bad Hearts or cribbage player; someone’s always late. Even (when you felt daring or were trying to defuse some brewing dispute between family members): Someone’s moody. It didn’t always work.
Life would be thin without homemade pie. I predict you will both carry on this tradition.
* * *
But the emotions I felt this holiday season were about more than personal loss. Maybe, for a slew of complicated reasons, this is a time of year when we let ourselves worry about the future. We just let ourselves think about it a little bit.
We think of the millions of victims of the horrible natural disasters this past year. But the manmade tragedies are even uglier. So many cyclones of violence have been set forth upon the world. Only someone who consciously decides not to think about it can avoid feeling worried about 2006.
I called upon tender music to get me through the holidays this year - Van Morrison, Townes Van Zandt, Gillian Welch, Lucinda Williams. My wife loves Carlos Natal. Paul Horn’s Peace Album is an bonafide "Christmas album" and it played a lot this year in our house. You can feel the longing for peace in it. And I fell in love with John Prine’s "Lake Marie," a ebullient song about peaceful waters. I played it for my wife early one morning.
Jackson Browne’s great song about Christmas, "The Rebel Jesus." meant a great deal to me this year. It has tenderness, but it’s also an audacious poem. And in my opinion, he might be "just a songwriter" but his skill with words - look at the off rhymes - is equal to poets per se.
THE REBEL JESUS
Jackson Browne
All the streets are filled with laughter and light
and the music of the season
and the merchants’ windows are all bright
with the faces of the children
and the families hurry into their homes
as the sky darkens and freezes
they’ll be gathering around their hearths and tables
giving thanks for god’s graces
and the birth of the rebel jesus
They call him by the Prince of Peace
and they call him by the Savior
and they pray to him upon the seas
and in every bold endeavour
and they fill their churches with their pride and gold
as their faith in him increases
but they’ve turned the nature that I worship in him
from a temple to a robber’s den
in the words of the rebel Jesus
We guard our world with locks and guns
and we guard our fine possessions
and once a year when Christmas comes
we give to our relations
and perhaps we give a little to the poor
if the generosity should seize us
but if anyone of us should interfere
in the business of why there are poor
they get the same as the rebel Jesus
But pardon me if I have seemed
to take a tone of judgment
for I’ve no wish to come between
this day and your enjoyment
in a life of hardship and of earthly toil
there’s a need for anything that frees us
so I bid you pleasure and I bid you cheer
from a heathen and a pagan
on the side of the rebel Jesus
* * *
I am not a Christian either. (It is still legal to say so, isn’t it?) I am not anythingian. I am against ians. As a matter of fact, I think religous dogma is the cause of much of the hatred and psychological damage tearing our world apart. I think of the major religions as big blades ripping through humanity like a huge lawnmower. The personal experiences I’ve had with churches have been pretty universally troubling. Egotistical religious leaders drive me nuts. I’ve included one of my own poems on the topic - "Parents’ Weekend," below - as an antidote to any vestigial religiosity in this selection of poems.
PARENTS’ WEEKEND
JE
In his keenly anticipated guest sermon
the theologian told the story
of the famous incident
in which to his astonishment
a simple working person had taught him something about faith,
and he got an excited ovation
from the freshmen and their parents,
and if memory serves me correctly
he peppered the encore with self-deprecating jokes.
* * *
So I’m deeply suspicious of Christianity. But something about Jesus’s birth moves me profoundly, and more so this year than ever. I don’t really understand my feelings. It’s weird for a non-Christian to feel this, or perhaps it isn’t. Hope for the world is diminishing, isn’t it? I know there are some who think that’s a ridiculous view. I read an article the other day by a professed expert on the state of the world that times are basically pretty damned good, especially compared to the past. To this person, the environmental, political, and economic prospects for the planet as a whole are excellent.
To me, the trajectories are frightening.
To me, a non-Christian, the story of his birth has come to symbolize in some subterraneaon cultural level a surprisingly radical view of the dignity of every person, a critique of wealth and privilege and power, and, therefore, hope.
Anyway, my emotional state has driven me to poetry, specifically to a search for poems that somehow to me represent "the spirit of christmas." No matter if retailers for 150 years have used that phrase to drum up business, or if it’s been schmaltzed and Disneyfied to death. It’s still a good question: in 2005, what does christmas mean?
There are a couple that are well-known: Chesterton’s "The Donkey" and Hardy’s "The Oxen" are still beautiful poems, my friends. Great for reading aloud, especially after a couple of holiday beers.
THE OXEN
Thomas Hardy
Christmas Eve, and twelve of the clock,
"Now they are all on their knees,"
An elder said as we sat in a flock
By the embers in hearthside ease.
We pictured the meek mild creatures where
They dwelt in their strawy pen,
Nor did it occur to one of us there
To doubt they were kneeling then.
So fair a fancy few would weave
In these years! Yet, I feel,
If someone said on Christmas Eve
"Come, see the oxen kneel,
"In the lonely barton by yonder coomb
Our childhood used to know,"
I should go with him in the gloom
Hoping it might be so.
THE DONKEY
G.K. Chesterton
When fishes flew and forests walked
And figs grew upon thorn,
Some moment when the moon was blood
Then surely I was born.
With monstrous head and sickening cry
And ears like errant wings,
The devil’s walking parody
On all four-footed things.
The tattered outlaw of the earth,
Of ancient crooked will;
Starve, scourge, deride me: I am dumb,
I keep my secret still.
Fools! For I also had my hour;
One far fierce hour and sweet:
There was a shout about my ears,
And palms before my feet.
* * *
My wife and I lost a lovely friend this past year. Hazel was in her 90s. We got to know her over the past six years. Annie took her to the doctor several times and we dropped by a few times. She lived in the same huge farm house she’d lived in to raise several children. Spoke of her long-deceased husband with reverence. She’d been in the same monthly book discussion group for 40 years. Hazel still raised monarchs each year, as she had apparently done her whole life, picking the milkweed pods from her unmowed fields. She gave a pod to Gavin to raise, with careful instructions about how to do so. Gavin released his into our back yard.
The Hardy and Chesterton poems are for Hazel. She loved both of these poems, as do I.
No doubt Hazel was more Christian than I. Who isn’t? The Chesterton and the Hardy poems are about Christ. But to me they have meaning beyond religiousity. "The Oxen" is a magnificent poem whether you’re a Christian or not. It’s about hope. Those sublime last lines of "The Oxen," flow from the despair of World War 1. They resonate deeply for the present-day Bush years as well.
The tone of the Hardy is wistful, grieving, but I sense defiance in those last lines. Hardy cannot keep himself from visualizing the moment that brute force falls to its knees.
In all I collected 30 or 40 poems that somehow represent to me the, well, spirit of Christmas. (Contact me at elsink@adelphia.net and I’ll email you the whole sheaf.) Not all are Christmas poems per se. Many I selected have an elegiac tone, feelings most of us can relate to in one way or another during the holidays. In some ways Christmas is all about loss and loneliness. The following poem by Pentti Saarikoski (from Finland - died in 1983) captures this feeling for me.
THE NEW SUBURBS SURROUNDED BY WOODS
Pentti Saarikoski
the new suburbs surrounded by woods
beautiful pawmarks
of capitalism
the schools are closing today
soon it will be Christmas
they’re selling treats for that purpose
in the market
the Vicar is masticating the Message
there’s not enough silence these days
except in the churches
I lose myself in these corridors
never reaching the heart
when you have lost it all, everything to be said,
has been said
I put my ear against the wall
and listen to the slow
erosion of concrete
everybody is building shelters and vaults
* * *
Some of the sort-of Christmas poems I've been obsessed with this season are luminously compassionate - Mark Doty’s absolutely magnificent poem about homeless people in New York city. Read it slowly - the images are incredibly vivid. The scarlet leaves under snow,. And they’re not just visual images - there’s a kinesthetic feeling in some that takes my breath away. The homeless woman reaching across the car; the poet Ezekiel turning around in the subway car and thanking the men. And what a thank you. I have a very hard time reading this poem to friends without crying.
BROADWAY
Mark Doty
Under Grand Central’s tattered vault
- maybe half a dozen electric stars still lit -
one saxophone blew, and a sheer black scrim
billowed over some minor constellation
under repair. Then, on Broadway, red wings
in a storefront tableau, lustrous, the live macaws
preening, beaks opening and closing
like those animated knives that unfold all night
in jewelers’ windows. For sale,
glass eyes turned outward toward the rain,
the birds lined up like the endless flowers
and cheap gems, the makeshift tables
of secondhand magazines
and shoes the hawkers eye
while they shelter in the doorways of banks.
So many pockets and paper cups
and hands reeled over the weight
of that glittered pavement, and at 103rd
a woman reached to me across the wet roof
of a stranger’s car and said, I’m Carlotta,
I’m hungry. She was only asking for change,
so I don’t know why I took her hand.
The rooftops were glowing above us,
enormous, crystalline, a second city
lit from within. That night
a man on the downtown local stood up
and said, My name is Ezekiel,
I am a poet, and my poem this evening is called
fall. He stood up straight
to recite, a child reminded of his posture
by the gravity of his text, his hands
hidden in the pockets of his coat.
Love is protected, he said,
the way leaves are packed in snow,
the rubies of fall. God is protecting
the jewel of love for us.
He didn’t ask for anything, but I gave him
all the change left in my pocket,
and the man beside me, impulsive, moved,
gave Ezekiel his watch.
It wasn’t an expensive watch,
I don’t even know if it worked,
but the poet started, then walked away
as if so much good fortune
must be hurried away from,
before anyone realizes it’s a mistake.
Carlotta, her stocking cap glazed
like feathers in the rain,
under the radiant towers, the floodlit ramparts,
must have wondered at my impulse to touch her,
which was like touching myself,
the way your own hand feels when you hold it
because you want to feel contained.
She said, You get home safe now, you hear?
In the same way Ezekiel turned back
to the benevolent stranger.
I will write a poem for you tomorrow,
he said. The poem I will write will go like this:
Our ancestors are replenishing
the jewel of love for us.
* * *
I included the Alice Walker poem below in my sheaf of holiday poems. I’m probably the only person who would consider this a Christmas poem. One one level, it’s an angry cry at religious hypocrisy. But this poem is not just a warning. This poem not just defy the forces of domination - it is embraces the lost and frightened.
Us.
Merry Christmas.
LOVE IS NOT CONCERNED
Alice Walker
Love is not concerned
with whom you pray
or where you slept
the night you ran away
from home.
Love is concerned
that the beating of your heart
should kill no one.